This has been a weird year for me. Photographically speaking. It’s nearly the middle of June, and yet, I’ve taken far fewer photographs than I normally do. It’s not just about quantity either. I feel creatively drained and like I’m suffering from a bad case of imposter syndrome. Part of it is the weather. Part of it is the global dystopia, and part of it is just me. As with any good artist, I’ve taken the appropriate time to wallow, and I’m now in the self-reflection phase. The only thing left to do is turn the challenge into art.

So what has been so difficult with taking photos lately? Let’s go on a journey back in time… well, a couple of months. And metaphorically, of course. Although time travel would be cool. What was I talking about? Oh yes. Not getting anything done.

The Weather

This has been a terrible year weather-wise. We literally had six weeks of nonstop rain. Now, Ireland is a wet country at the best of times, but it’s usually a sort of slow, miserable drizzle. But winters are actually usually somewhat dry, or at least you get a lot of dry spells. This year, it was heavy rain, and really dull for weeks at a time. Back in February, we went to Scotland for a week, thinking we might at least get one or two days to take some photos. No. Miserable. And when it wasn’t lashing rain, it was freezing cold.

Edinburgh looking towards the train station on a dark day in Feburary — Edinburgh looking towards the train station on a dark day in February

Now I know what you’re probably thinking: a real photographer wouldn’t let the rain stop them. You may be right. But it was just so dark and miserable. There were no redeeming qualities about it whatsoever. Don’t get me wrong. There was a smattering of days here and there that were ok, and I did get some photos, but nothing like what I had planned in my head.

It’s not just about photography, though. The doom and gloom in the weather is somewhat appropriate for the sense of unease the whole world is feeling right now. It weighs on your mood to the point where you just couldn’t be bothered. Of course, you try to fight this, but then it does get overwhelming now and then. I’ve coined a phrase for this, although I’m sure I’m not the only one to come up with it…

A bad case of Dystopia Depression

The world can be a pretty depressing place right now. I mean, I try to see the positives, but it’s difficult at times. There’s the looming threat that AI will take our jobs and destroy our culture. Wars and conflicts are raging. Fuel supply shortages are rocketing up prices everywhere.

There are billionaires pushing their views on the world and sowing distrust among communities with their divisive nonsense. Countries are invading other countries like it’s the 1800s. Big tech companies are pouring billions into data centres, eating up resources and pushing up the prices of everything from energy to computer memory, all to build a better slop machine. Fringe lunatics are dominating the social discourse and pushing despicable ideologies. Corruption is flaunted in our faces by politicians, while they pretend to be the victims, and ordinary people suffer.

I could go on and on, but I don’t think I need any more reasons. (And I’m trying to be diplomatic.)

I mean, when you actually write it down, it sounds like the plot of some movie, too ridiculous to be realistic. And the sad thing is, a percentage of people actually think this is a good thing.

I’m reminded of the immortal words of Bill Murray in Ghostbusters: “Cats and dogs, living together, mass hysteria…”

It’s not even about the politics, and I’m sure the previous few paragraphs have gotten some people’s backs up. To paraphrase Bill Clinton’s famous election campaign slogan: “It’s the uncertainty, Stupid”. Much of the creative industry is currently plagued by uncertainty. In the television and film industry, as well as in commercial and other fields, people are holding off on investments due to global uncertainty. No one knows what to expect, and you have the sense that literally anything can happen at any moment.

I am AI, destroyer of worlds

And then there’s AI. I mean, where do I even start? I’m not actually going to, because that’s a whole article unto itself, but watch this fantastic video from Brad Colbow, which pretty much sums up my feelings on the matter.

I think among some creatives, there’s a sense of dread to an extent about it. Not because it will replace us, because I don’t believe that it will, or can. Rather, because so many people will embrace it anyway, because it’s good enough for what they want. There’s this feeling I get from some people now around all this, which is a case of “why even bother syndrome”. “Want to learn a new skill, or new software - why even bother any more when AI is going to do it anyway?” I don’t necessarily ascribe to this, but I know there is that feeling out there.

(And for what it’s worth, I think there are plenty of useful aspects to AI, but the slop-generating chatbots ruining everything aren’t one of them)

Incidentally, to all those who say, generative AI is just like when Photoshop came out, it’s just another tool for creativity -you’re wrong. Because it’s not just another tool for creativity: it’s a tool to replace creativity. It’s a tool for billionaires to suck up all the content in the world and then charge you for it. If your livelihood relies on creating any kind of intellectual property, you’re the target for AI. In the AI-dominated future these companies envisage, there will be no intellectual property, only terms of service. Why pay for art when the machine can get you a reasonable facsimile for a small subscription fee? It’s not even the technology itself that’s the problem, really; it’s the companies and the people behind it. It’s not about curing cancer or creating superintelligence to solve all the world’s problems, despite what they claim. (I mean, I’m sure some people are looking into that). It’s about control. And money. If everything becomes reliant on AI, from menial jobs to art and culture, we’re literally handing over the keys to our society to a handful of companies led by socially maladjusted individuals with god complexes. It really is the corporate takeover of the world, as depicted in so many dystopian sci-fi movies and novels. And the world is sleepwalking into it just so we can make better memes.

Well, if you weren’t depressed before, you are now !!!

The only saving grace in all of this is that, given the amount of money companies are pumping into this technology and the paltry returns they’re getting, something has to give, surely at some point. I mean, they’re literally billions in debt, and burning through billions every day. But hey, at least your Google searches are now worse.

Wasn’t this supposed to be about photography?

Yes. I get distracted easily, apparently. Which has also been part of my problem these past few months. Did I mention it’s been very dark and miserable?

The other thing that’s been bothering me, and has affected my photography, is the problem I was having with my Canon Lens. It took me so long to determine if it actually was a problem, and not just me, that I wasted so much time doing tests to see if I was just imagining things (I wasn’t - confirmed by a technician). It’s really annoyed me, because it took me so long to get the lens in the first place. I’m not going to dwell on it too much, as I’ve talked about it before. It’s on its way to Canon now, hopefully to be fixed. (Of course, if they claim that there’s nothing wrong with it, I will be selling all my Canon gear and never buying Canon again)

Anyway, I know this has become a bit of a rant, or a whine, but sometimes it helps others to know they’re not alone if they are also dealing with creative block due to dystopia depression. Ironically, photography can offer a way through. Or art, or whatever other creative outlet you have.

My wife actually reminded me of this recently. She pointed out that I used to love just going out and taking photos. You see, I’ve fallen into the trap of putting too much pressure on it. If I couldn’t be in a position to get the greatest photo, or for it to be of some monetary or engagement value, then what was the point? I felt that every time I took up the camera, I had to get results I could use or share, but the thing is, that’s rarely the case in Photography unless you’re on a specific assignment. When writing for my blogs, too, I sometimes fall into the trap of testing things and then just repeating the same stuff over and over, forgetting why I did it in the first place. Sometimes you just need to shoot for the sake of shooting, to enjoy the process, regardless of whether you get the perfect photo. Especially when you don’t have a clear assignment. Obviously, this isn’t the case if you’re a full-time commercial, wedding or journalist photographer, but even then, if you’re creatively burnt out, it can be helpful to just enjoy the craft for the sake of it.

As someone who was always something of an introvert, there is a calmness and solitude in being behind the lens. A way of separating yourself from the world in order to observe it. You can get lost in picking out the details lost in the tapestry of life, focusing on the texture or colour or pattern that everyone else walks by, and in that moment, it feels like only you’re observing. Take the images you see and what makes you feel joy, not to overuse the trope. Forget whether or not others might like it. You don’t need to share them. Take photos for you.

And when it comes to AI, you don’t survive by being the next person to embrace the same tools and the same output. You don’t stand out by turning in your artistic tools, such as your camera, for a better prompt. You thrive by being human in an artificial world. You thrive by being you, by finding your actual voice rather than a synthesised facsimile made by being the average of everything.

I’m not really sure what the point of this post was. I had all these thoughts running around in my head, and I just wanted to get them down on the page. In the meantime, here are some of the nicer random photos I have taken over the past few months. Enjoy. The next post will be happier, I promise!